SATURDAY, OCTOBER 9, 2010
Our Daily Bread
Every morning and every evening I am faced with fifty-minutes of this. Bottles of anti-rejection eye drops for my graft, tubes and pills for my rosacea. It's been hard trying to force the rosacea out of my eyes for the last two weeks and my eyesight has not changed so I'm beginning to worry quite a bit. I haven't given up hope because losing my graft is something that I don't even want to contemplate right now. I call this my breakfast and supper meals. I just can't seem to really eat any food right now. Is it weak of me to confess that I am just under so much stress right now that even my favorite food can't seem to tempt me. I woke up this morning and I knew right away, "bad eye day." The haze was so severe that I had to close the right eye so I could see only out of the left eye to walk to my bathroom on the other side of the house. My eyes and face ate their breakfast this morning but I just couldn't seem to consume anything. I'm going to force myself to eat a bowl of tuna later.
My dear friend Patricia called me this morning to see if we could meet for lunch but I knew that there was just no way that I could go out today. It's depressing but I try not to get too down about this. Started a new medicine for the graft today so I'm pinning my hopes on this coming week before I go see Dr. M. If this doesn't clear up the haze and the halo then we are looking at possible signs of glaucoma and I don't even want to think about that. This really sucks! It feels awful to think about possibly going blind in my right eye. As I said before, that's been my biggest fear since I was eighteen. I don't think I'd look good in a pirate patch although I might wear one for Halloween! I told my husband on Tuesday that I hated my breakfast ritual and that I hated my supper ritual. He understood what I meant and before he left for his golf tournament that morning he hugged me and said, "you're going to be fine. I'm here Yanna." I have to believe that.
Later that day, when Marshall returned home from the tournament, he said that he had had a nice breakfast and I followed him over to his recliner and he took out my digicam and clicked away until he found what he wanted. I had to put my special glasses on and I smiled. God in his tender mercy can give us the hard realities of knowing pain, heartbreak, fear, love and hope. My husband, thinking about me that morning, said that as he was about to tee off, out of the bushes and with all the graceful elegance of Anna Pavlova, a beautiful doe walked in front of him and just stood there. Marshall, and the men on his team watched the doe in silence. It turned it's head and looked at them quietly for a moment and walked silently away to the other side of the bushes. Give us this day, our daily bread....He gave us hope. Amen!
Later that day, when Marshall returned home from the tournament, he said that he had had a nice breakfast and I followed him over to his recliner and he took out my digicam and clicked away until he found what he wanted. I had to put my special glasses on and I smiled. God in his tender mercy can give us the hard realities of knowing pain, heartbreak, fear, love and hope. My husband, thinking about me that morning, said that as he was about to tee off, out of the bushes and with all the graceful elegance of Anna Pavlova, a beautiful doe walked in front of him and just stood there. Marshall, and the men on his team watched the doe in silence. It turned it's head and looked at them quietly for a moment and walked silently away to the other side of the bushes. Give us this day, our daily bread....He gave us hope. Amen!
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